The words contained in this here journal may not make much sense and they may not bear any relation to reality but one thing is for sure, they'll contain the word pasty.
Sunday, May 04, 2003
Like an idiot I'm about to take that TV IQ test, I'll let you know the results on the other side, unless I do rubbish of course :D
I'm sure you've all seen the :O smiley, you know the one that displays wide open mouthed shock at something you've just said? Well I was fully aware how popular it is on the internet, my sometimes cheeky nature always producing the odd one or two per night, what I wasn't aware of was the fact that some people do it all the time in real life too. Watching Liam on camera last night was somewhat akin to watching a goldfish struggling for air but having said that I probably had a similar expression on my face as a bit of a fantasy came true, I was watching Wend actually wearing the beret....... *gulp*
Dream Recorder: First thing I remember is walking down the side of a road in Scilly with Ryan and an inordinate number of cars whizzing by, Ryan was complaining because I'd sold the idea of the holiday to him on the basis that there would be no traffic.
Next thing I remember is, wait for it.... another faux DJ! I think I'm becoming a little obsessed about that wee Red Dwarf convention, I don't even think about it anymore what with it being a month in wrong direction through time but it can't be good when you've had half a dozen dreams about being there. Eeek! What's even more worrying is that I was dreaming about arm wrestling Wend. And what's even worse than that is that just before I won her boyfriend, who looked alot like Dom, came along and assisted her the big cheat! After exchanging greetings with the guy (and having a hard time shaking his hand, every time I attempted he'd only offer me his index finger. Eh???) I decided to go exploring around the hotel, firstly finding my way into the waiter's area through which hundreds of meals were passing every hour carefully balanced on the hands of a dozen or so smartly dressed staff. I tried holding the door open to help them take the meals through but I couldn't work it! All that time at school and they never told me how to use a door!! How embarrassing.
So I carried on my merry way to find a hotel room door from behind which I could hear Scott and old lady talking about what was on the menu for tea, the old lady then emerged from the room and without noticing me started pouring boiling water from a kettle down the side of the carpet. You get some funny old people I can tell you. Finally she looked up to see my and seemingly recognised my face and so I was invited in for tea and biscuits, who am I to refuse and offer like that? I then spoke to Scott who didn't seem very happy at me being around, drank tea, ate biscuits, got bored and left.
I was feeling a bit lonely so I went in search of the group (Capps, Wend etc.), finding them all stood outside enjoying the late afternoon sunshine and taking interest in a tall brick building which looked like it'd been torn straight out of a program by Fred Dibnah. Deciding to leave Capps alone, although I say alone he was actually trying to chat up a lass who was showing more than a little cleavage, I followed my curiosity and entered the building.
Walking in from the sushine it took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the darkness inside, staring up into the gloom I could see an intricate system of ladders, ropes and ledges stretching way above my into the darkness. A man sat on a ledge crying for help, he'd obviously tried to climb up and had got himself stuck there. It seemed to me that if he was willing to risk his neck trying to climb up then surely there must be something worth climbing for at the top and so I climbed and climbed and climbed, ever upwards, ever further away from the daylight invading the entrance I had come through which had slowly become a small strip of light on the floor way below me. And so I kept climbing, the walls around me getting closer together as I ascended to the tapering summit of the building, until at last I could see my reward for all the affort I'd put in to come this far. Reaching out I felt its surface, rough and scratchy to the touch, it was a sack. A sack full of flour. I wasn't terribly impressed. I'd put my life on the line for what, a few loaves of bread if I made the effort to bake it!? Well at least someone had painted a big star on the side, it was nice to know that although it was a terrible reward, someone had tried to inject a bit of awe and wonder into it. I unhooked the sack and watched as it disappeared into the blackness below and thought to myself, this ladder I'm hanging into isn't half rusty.....
Saturday, May 03, 2003
There's a sure cure for feeling "manky" as I put it; F1, a chat to mum, a good cycle, a final frame decider in the semi-final of the World Snooker Championships and the prospect of a plateful of curry for tea. Sports on TV for me has always been somewhat of an obsession for myself, and no doubt thousands of others like me, and I'll happily watch motor racing, snooker, golf, tennis, football, cricket, athletics and even darts all day long getting caught up in the emotion of a race, match or tournament. I love trying to analyse exactly what is going on not only in the field of competition but inside each competitor's head, I know all too well from past experience the pain of losing, the frustration of not performing to your abilities and the mix of relief and utter joy that accompanies winning.
As those of your who know me have already figured out, of all sports in the world my love falls at the door of Formula 1. I have no idea what first attracted me to the sport, it was too long ago to remember, but by the time I'd reached the halfway point in primary school I was already hooked and I've shared a very passionate relationship with it ever since. In my life there are few greater joys to me than watching my man (David Coulthard) take the chequered flag at the end of the race and as it happens you can be sure I'm stood up, thrusting a clenched fist through the air and screaming with hysterical delight at the rather pleasing array of photons being fired at my eyes by the TV.
If I'm not watching F1, I'll watch some other form of motorsport. If there's none on I'll jump on the PC, attach the steering wheel and pretend I'm one of my many heroes. If I'm out? Well if you ever catch me walking on my own you'll quickly notice that I'm often taking racing lines, imagining finding the grip level and then breaking it, requiring a touch of imaginary opposite lock to straighten the car up. Not in the mood for F1? That's okay, i'll just try reading rallying pace notes for the path ahead: "70 one left max over crest into 30 four right tightens, don't cut". When I reach the the right hander I won't cut.
I'd usually be the same cycling but I had too many things on my mind though uni (and as such my future life) barely made the front of the queue. Nor did the fact that a quick glance behind to see an approaching 4X4 left me bouncing along a grassy ditch by the road at 20 mph! Fortunately I managed to remain attached to the bike though. I was quite proud of myself, in the face of adversity I'd managed to make a possibly humiliating and painful accident seem more like me simply pulling over to let a vehicle past. What skill.
Yes, wheels are a favourite of mine. Why I haven't already had these useless feet replaced by a pair of shiny alloys I have no idea, I'd make life such fun. Well the aroma of curry has penetrated my nostrils and sent my stomach into maximum attack so on that note I'll let you all be.
Bike Ride Stats: Distance = 13.34 miles
Total Riding Time = 56 minutes and 29 seconds.
Average Speed = 14.1 mph
Maximum Speed = 36.9 mph
4X4's passed = 6
Thanks to a certain degree of blogger copping a packetful and going goose over gander sausageside and then me staying over at Jono's last night I've failed miserably to post anything here in a while, I promise it'll never happen again Miss.
Right now I feel pretty damned manky to be honest with you, Liam and Wend are in London today having a mess about and I wish I was there with them. I'd love to see Wend again (A month has gone since DJ already!) and the chance to meet the beret and the wee chappie he sits on wouldn't have been so awful either. Hope you two are having a good time :) As well as that Mark, Beck and Capps have swanned off to Sheffield for the night and I wish I could be there with them lot as well but as is the way things go I've dipped out of both activities because of a mixture of inconvenience and uni work, which incidentally I am not doing anyway because I have no idea where my crazy fun packed life is heading now and I can't find the motivation. ARGH!
Ah well enough of feeling sorry for myself, I've got health, family, a damned fine cat and the best bunch of friends I could ever wish for. And of course the F1 is on this weekend :D
Me on the left, Capps on the right. Yes.......... I lost. But being a lazy pacifist this doesn't annoy me one little bit, why should it? at the end of the day he was the better player. Though he did fluke a couple of reds, but that's ok so did I. I suppose it's just lady luck that decided he got all the easy pots and that he'd snooker me behind the black! RAHHHHHHHHHHH!
"coz u dont throw tantrums, ur calm, laid back and generally dont give a damn" - Beck talking about me.
I think that's just another way of saying I'm a lazy pacifist, there's nothing wrong with being a lazy pacifist is there? And as is my duty as a lazy pacifist I shall not be voting today, not that if I did I'd have any idea who I was voting for. I'd just pick the guy (or gal) with the prettiest colour and start doodling next to it.
The Jonathans took me into the bookies yesterday after a fine curry and started betting on dogs, is there anything more satisfying than watching other people throw money away? People tell me the dogs are so badly fixed that the most effective way of gambling on them is to pick a trap and stick to it though if I were to gamble I'd always go for the dog with the coolest name.
Just like a polling booth, the bookies kindly offer any bored people, without any interest in the matter at hand, free pens and paper to doodle on. So I got to work drawing a cartoon with and endless line of gamblers trying to reach dreamland (A man holding a lot of money), each one blindly wandering to his death via a nasty fall from the Red Cliffs of Gambling.
I was rather pleased with it and pinned it up with the racing forms on the wall, needless to say that Capps was unimpressed by my attempts to save people money and dignity so he attempted to tear it down. He soon backed off though when I gave him a wee Gav style evil (which probably look more like I've got something in my eye).
Ahhh well back to the lazy pacifying,
The Dream Recorder: I remember the speedo saying 70, a car jumping out, tyres screaming like a banshee, Capps screaming like a girl, a rapidly approaching Ford, and a large dent in the side of the beetle.
Oh how the driver cried. Oh how the passengers laughed. A whole carful of crying eyes in fact, it really was THAT funny! :D
Wednesday, April 30, 2003 wendvb, to direct (ones course of way); travel.
Wendn (especially in medieval European history) a Sorb; a member of the slavonic people who inhabitated the are between the Rivers Saale and Oder in the early Middle Ages and were conquered by Germanic invaders by the 12th century.
wendigon Canadian1 (among the Algonquian Indians) an evil spirit or cannibal. 2 another name for splake
Wendishadj1 Of or relating to the Wends 2 n The West Slavonic language of the Wends.
Wendy housen a small model house that children can enter and play in. Named after the house built for Wendy, the girl in J.M.Barrie's play Peter Pan (1904).
The giraffe is an often misunderstood member of the animal kingdom, perhaps because it is hard to empathise with a creature that has such a silly long neck. Many years of ducking under doorframes, telegraph wires and aeroplanes have forced the giraffe to leave the modern day metropolis behind and live in the vast, open surrounding plains where he can run about chasing butterflies without having to worry about getting his head tangled in a child's kite.
Like the Tea Picker the giraffe only picks the finest tips from the bush, its elongated neck giving it a big advantage over stumpier creatures like the gazelle and dung beetle who cannot reach the lush green foliage at the top of the plant. Drinking is done not by regular visits to a water hole, as some misleading nature programs would have you believe, but by standing on tippy toes and waiting for a cloud. Water vapour from the cloud then condenses on the cold surface of the nose and runs down a special system of guttering to the animal's mouth.
Despite the giraffe's relatively quiet life in the countryside a few have made their way into modern day culture appearing in the lyrics of the popular band "The Stereophonics" and earning an honourable mention the cult TV show "Red Dwarf". There is also rumour that Jeremy Clarkson may be a giraffe in a wig trying to get along in human society though as of yet no-one has proved this. Now for some interesting Giraffe facts:
- Adult male giraffes height range from 14' to as much as 20', and weigh about 2800 pounds.
- A giraffe's kick can kill a lion. (ROAR!)
- Giraffes sleep no more than 5 to 30 minutes in a 24-hour period.
- An adult giraffe's tongue is 27" long. That's almost as long as my leg!
- A giraffe is fifty seven times more likely to get struck by lightning than a cat.
And so ends the story of the giraffe, thanks for listening in.
Been taking a few online personality tests just for something to do:
From Emode.com:
"Gavin, you're an Observer!
That means you're one of the more kind-hearted people around. You are unusually intuitive, and you probably understand yourself, as well as others. That also means you're a good mediator — though you may prefer to spend more quiet time on your own than most. "
An observer ay, is that good... Intuitive? Possibly. Understand other people? Maybe. Good mediator? hahahaha. One thing is for sue, I like the personality tests that only highlight the positive aspects about you :D
For this time I laid in the same spot on the floor of the flat in York, getting up only once or twice to get food and make toilet trips. The life of the lazy buggar is a rewarding one and I'll tell you something else, it does wonders for a bad back! Feels supple enough to do some back flips, but I won't bore you with such feats of physical skill.
A good indication of just how little we did is the fact that the three of us managed to do absolutely nothing worth noting in this here journal all weekend, perhaps more alcohol would help change this next time around though having said that I did the jigsaw with four missing pieces, that was pretty exciting!
The Dream Recorder: A number of dreams (I kept on nodding off for an hour or so all the time), one of the best being a holiday in Scilly with all the Red Dwarf crowd. I distinctly remember having my camping set up mocked by Dom who thought I'd just left a big mess where I wasn't supposed to! I got angry at everyone taking the mick so I went to Wend's (very small) tent to see if she wanted to come to the beach but her book was obviously a better offer, hpmh! Looked like a trashy novel to me. So I went to the beach and played commando games in the dunes with Capps and few others, great fun :D
The best dream of the weekend though was quite easily one I had in a big holiday complex, it was based around me, Jono, Ryan and Capps playing a game of Jack Bauer style maverick shooting games. The holiday complex itself was situated in York, I know this because on a number of occassions I tried to outflank the enemy by leaving the grounds and found myself in York city centre. I avoided the pasty shop, a visit to which would have left me stuffed full of food and unable to move very quickly.
The shooting games started with both teams (me and Capps the wrongfully accused good guys, Jono and Ryan the cold hearted military bad guys) at opposite ends of this holiday complex. Jono made a fine bad guy with his black wrap-around sunglasses and shiny black shoes but any attempt by him to look cool failed miserably as Ryan, being himself, had long floppy hair and shorts. Not exactly Agent Smith. So there we were ready to do battle, in my possesion an uzi and a silenced pistol with laser pointy thing :D Capps himself had a pair of berettas just waiting to be used in some Matrix style diving about. Then a voice came over the walkie talkie, "Game on".
Our first move was to head for the branch of Tesco's (I know holiday complexes don't generally have branches of Tesco's but it was just a dream after all). We felt sure that our enemy would make a similar move and we also felt we could get there before they did, lying in wait for them when they did appear. Reaching the supermarket we took shelter in an isle facing the entrance to shop and waited, shaking hands pointing our weapons where our opponents would appear. Our instincts had proved partially right as Jono strolled through the entrace, weapon concealed, no sign of Ryan though. Capps fired a single shot from the beretta in his right hand and missed his target which was some 50 yards away behind the checkouts. The shot, although wayward, alerted Jono the trouble he was in and he made a break for the opposite end of the store where he could find safety and in a bid to stop him I opened fire with my uzi sending a couple of short bursts of fire in his direction. I hit nothing but a shelf full of coke and lemonade which promptly emptied itself on the floor, "Clear up to isle 3 please", damn!
Turning to discuss tactics with Capps I noticed that he was no longer present and on shouting "Where are you you bastard?" Ryan came into view and in my frustration I emptied what ammo I had left in his direction, once again hitting nothing but shopping, damn!!. But Ryan was on the run and I gave chase, leaving my primary weapon behind and moving onto my stealth pistol. Resisting the opportunity to point lasers into people's eyes I sprinted as fast as I could up the escalator which had been used by Ryan only seconds before as an escape route. Reaching the top I was presented with a connundrum in two staircases, one to the left and one straight on and in my haste I chose the wrong one leaving myself in a dingy amusement arcade devoid of anything to shoot at except twinkly lights and bored looking barman. Damn!!!
Going over my options I decided to head upwards, heading for the nearest stairwell, in the hope that from my elevated position I'd be able to make sense of the situation. Reaching the top floor, and having squeezed past a group of people talking to a celebrity (huh?), I looked outside to see Jono 10 floors below me dashing across some open ground. At last my luck was in. Right, aim gun..... line up red dot with red hair...and...blip, Jono was out of the game. Of course he wasn't dead, just sitting having a rest after all his running about, is was just a game remember.
What happened next made little sense, I dropped my gun out of the window, d'oh. What an idiot! Fortunately Capps then made himself visible, he'd have a spare gun for me...... but no, he'd used all his ammo shooting at Jono. Then things went from rediculous to awful as Ryan showed up. Cue a lengthy chase as me and Capps race down a stair well trying to dodge bullets as they ricocheted around us, a brief moment of squeezing through some scafold, some running, some getting knackered and some being shot. Ah well well you can't win them all.
All in all I quite enjoyed running around playing shooting games, boys will be boys I suppose.
