The words contained in this here journal may not make much sense and they may not bear any relation to reality but one thing is for sure, they'll contain the word pasty.
Saturday, April 19, 2003
From now on the argument about whether the evening meal is called dinner or tea is irrelevant, hereafter it shall be known as curry. And a damned fine curry at that (I didn't burn myself this time). So fine in fact we decided that me, Jono and Julian are just figments of Capps' imagination (Fight Club style). And Wend? You're Capps too. It leads to some interesting ideas about Capps fancying himself through characters he imagined, no need for him to imagine anything though.
Earlier today I watched the F1 qualifying at Jono's house, I didn't ask everyone to sit and watch it with me but they did all the same as though they had some kind of masochistic streak in them. The look on Beck's face after an hour and a half was a careful blend of mind numbing boredom, tiredness and murderous rage, to my suprise she neither killed me nor fell asleep. Wonders will never cease. As I said, she's a class act :D
She's not very good at kicking footballs though, it seems strange when she has such little trouble bruising shins....
Dream Recorder: Wend and some other stuff, I wasn't really paying attention.
Oh and according to a character test I am a soppy parent, a middle of the road adult and the biggest kid in the entire universe. The fact this test came from the business world and may be correct worries me.
Test results displayed below:
Lovey Parent: 12 out of 19
Telling Off Style Parent: 3 out of 15
Responsible Adult: 12 out of 20
Natural Child: 6 out of 7
Adaptive (Naughty) Child: 7 out of 10
My Drives (out of five):
Be Perfect = 1
Be Strong = 2
Hurry Up = 1.5
Try Harder = 2.5
Please People = 3.5
So there you have it, all I want from life is to mess around, have fun and please people, I have to say that as a set of values to lead a life by it sounds pretty damned good to me.
Well it's just gone one in the morning (I'm not sure what time my blog is running but it's a lie) and I've had a busy if uneventful evening. Looking after Beck was a pleasure once she'd got a bottle of wine down her, especially when she started attacking Capps with the empty bottle itself and spouting random gibberish about one thing or another. The girl is pure class.Apart from that I have very little else to report except that due to having run out of cheapo hours I'm getting internet (For internet read "Wend") withdrawal symptoms and plenty of outdoors activity. I even went round to my brother's house to catch up with family!
Dream Recorder:
Very sketchy quality, must have been long play or something. What I do remember is a girl I haven't thought about nor seen in around five years, a man being run over by a train and a very large explosion. If anybody wishes to try and meld these plot elements together into a coherent storyline then feel free though I will have to demand royalties if any money is made from it.
Friday, April 18, 2003
My legs still work! Obviously I've done something to please the gods recently, I was expecting crippling pains for at least a few days. For all my healthy playing of football yesterday I managed to destroy what mental and physical strength I had built up by chatting away to Liam and Wend until some ungodly hour of the morning (nearly five wasn't it?). If running about playing football for three hours is healthy then its exact opposite has to be sitting at a computer until nearly sunrise listening to a man with a camp voice and a beret describe his testicles.
Met a fellow F1 fan in the chat room.
Talked F1.
Wend whinged.
Lost new friend.
Wend ruined monopoly set.
I cried.
Wend hugged me.
I smiled.
Wend ate Wez....... I cried.
Football was good but I've totally over exerted myself and within the space of three hours have gone from a fine specimin of the human male at the peak of physical perfection to a state more readily applied to the over 60's. But I had my fun and that's all that matters. I also managed to leap like a freak and give Capps a good elbow in the shoulder :D
Football was followed by the making of chilli. I was on particularly good form and managed to not only spray bits of of chilli over the hob and wall but also managed to drop the salt shaker onto a lovely plate. Smashing. Well I thought so anyway. Momentary panic crept across us all but Jono saved the day by hiding the evidence in next door's bins, next door for Jono being a pub (well there's a suprise).
I just took a test to determine whether I have an empathetic brain or a systemizing brain, the results are below:
Average bloke's scores:
Empathy Quotient = 42
Systemizing Quotient = 30
According to the lovely descriptions I "have a very high ability for analysing and exploring a system" and that "almost no women score this high" for systemizing. I think it means I'm a geek.........
Thursday, April 17, 2003
Fun Fun Fun in the Sun Sun Sun!
I'm determined to make hay while the sun shines at the moment (technical speak for "stuff work, outside nice"). I've spent all day endeavouring to burn myself but I've failed miserably, ah well always opportunities to hurt myself playing football this evening.
I'd like to thank Wend for giving me yet another work delaying activity in the form of playing around with the digital camera in the garden, I even managed a rare photoshoot with Wez. If enough people ask then I might stuff the photo's on CrapHQ.
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
An Arsenal supporter has just sat down at his PC.
Due to the worldly delights of the internet, recently I haven't had much chance to keep up with football. There was a time when I would religiously watch the highlights every saturday but nowadays if I so much as mention the topic I get a reply along the lines of "z z z z". Obviously my life isn't big enough for both of them and for the moment the internet shall remain the dominant force. But for two brief hours today I managed to not only enjoy an entertaining match but to shriek at the top of my voice, swear a whole lot and goad Man U fans. Life doesn't get much better than that surely.
The curry previous to the football was a bit of a flop though. There are two curry houses in town, one with pants food and the other with good food but no alcohol. It's an easy decision for me, being a non-drinker and all, to choose the good food but it was an equally easy decision for my friends to go where the intoxicating liquids do flow. The meal started fairly well with selection of odd looking dips to go with a pile of poppadoms (one of which dips I am positive was raspberry jam). The four dips were arranged around a rotating thingy with a handle giving the impression of a food related gattling gun, it was all too tempting to break free of the shackles of polite society and spin it as fast as I could but I managed to restrain myself.
The only thing I remember much after that is when they served my curry in a wee metal dish with two handles, "hmmmm quirky" I thought. I took the spoon, prepared to dig and stabilised the bowl by taking hold of one of the handles with my left hand. Something wasn't right.... something definately wasn't right. I wondered for a little while why I couldn't feel any texture on the metal. hmmmm. Instinct then decided to give me a sharp kick up the backside and without warning my hand SHOT across the table, narrowly avoiding two black eyes and a glass of cider in the process. Faces around the table went white, eyes wide open searching for something to duck away from, seemingly waiting for the inevitable sonic boom that accompanies such rapid movement. A monumental shockwave that was destined to break every glass, every picture and every window in the restaurant. What they were to hear though was something far less dramatic, a little undignified yelp from a rather unhappy looking student with tears in his eyes.
Why it totally passed me by that they had placed the dish on an inch thick plank of wood I don't know. Why I didn't notice that the curry inside the bowl was continuing to sizzle despite not having any obvious source of energy, except the piercing glare of Capps who's food had not arrived yet, is anyones guess. In future I shall treat new cultures and more precisely their styles of eating with far more respect. Lesson learned.
I've just been for a cycle in the beautiful weather. I managed to totally misjudge my route which instead of filling the afternoon nicely actually only took me a paltry 45 minutes, next time I'm going to try to be a little more ambitious and aim to reach Wend's house by teatime.
Bike Ride Stats:
Distance:- 6.77 miles
Time on the move:- 36 minutes and 40 seconds
Average Speed:- 12.5 mph
Maximum Speed:- 33.6 mph (Big Hill :D )
Isn't it always the way that when you have a nice healthy day (fruit, fruit juice and cycling) something always comes along to ruin your hard work? Tonight I am being "forced" to go out and eat curry by Capps and Jono, they're such a bad influence on me. Once again I'll be eating at someone's expense due to a lack of funds, I'm thinking one day I might get a job but not for a few decades yet. Talking of bad influences I got laughed at by Wend last night when I said I wasn't very good with words. Do I really talk that much? Well looking at this journal, yes :)
The dinosaur is called acanthopholis. Or at least thta's what the species is called, I'm not sure what naming convention dinosaurs had in ye olde days. Calling each other Dennis or whatever.
Acanthopholis Facts:
Their length is 3 to 5.5 metres.
They lived from the Aptian period to the Cenomanian, ages of the mesozoic. (Mesozoic sounds a little like a narcotic induced trance to me)
Their fossils are found in.... England! *crowd cheers*
You can now rest easy in the knowledge you know about this fascinating creature.
It's Wednesday, it's sunny, and I'm meant to be doing uni work. Pfft.
What's worse is that BT have decided that I'm about to reach my 150 hour limit for this month. BT decided to come up with this clever ploy a wee while back to try and move people onto their dazzly (and more expensive) broadband service and duly I obliged and spent the next few weeks gently persauding my parents that it was the way to go. After the stroppy tantrums failed I tried a hunger strike, hehehehehehe, they crumbled, hehehehehehe hahahaha, after 13 days...... well at least I lost some weight.
There I was in happy happy dreamland, I, ScillyGav was just days away from getting a high bandwidth connection! The whole world suddenly looked rosey, the grass was extra green, the sun was extra sunny, hell even Wez started to look kinda cute and cheerful.
By the end of the week the account was activated, the modem had arrived and an engineer had called to tell us he'd be along sometime in the near future to make it all work. Then he didn't show up, then we were told we needed the line splitter removed, then we were told we would have to wait until work was done on the exchange, then we were told they would have to dig the road up outside our house, once they'd got planning permission. Then they told us nothing. For a month. So we phoned BT. They told us that we couldn't have broadband after all, I can't repeat what I said.
So now I'm here trying desperately to ration my internet access but it's so difficult with all you amazing folk on here. Spent five hours last night talking to Wend, Beck and Eq. Eeek!
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Dream Recorder: While asleep in the conservatory I had a rather exciting dream about a dinosaur zoo. I'm not entirely sure but I think it was supposed to be a total immersion videogame of sorts. At first I was a "Slight Rex" and I remember being quite cross that someone else had stolen the T-Rex before I had the chance to select it.
The dream began with me trying to escape over a barbed wire tipped gate approximately twenty foot tall. This was no problem for the diplodocus in front of me but for a mere "Slight Rex" it was too much of a stepover. I managed to find an alternative route though by bashing my way through a large metal door, which incidentally was rather good fun. It was then I went from being hunter to prey and everything got a little hairy.
The next thing I remember is being trapped in a room with two of those short arse stocky dinosaurs with the thick skulls and lumps on the back. Answers on a postcard if you know the name of the dinosaur in question. Carefully bashing a plate glass window which fell into my hands and subsequently onto one of the thick skulls I made my escape out of the window. Then the game ended and I got told off for ruining things when I broke down that door, bloody spoil sports.
Then everything took a turn for the surreal and I found Dame Judy Dench lying on a bed of those foil containers you get from the indian. I managed to get her autograph before I was rudely woken up by the phone. If ever you needed an insight into my mind then this is it.
Have you ever tried being interviewed? I thought it would be easy but being asked justify your own existance is tough, not to mention having to choose between Wend and pasties! As you can probably tell my interview was not the sort that takes place when applying for a job or a police style interview (neither is a style I've ever encountered) but one of a much more surreal nature in which all manner of demented questions are asked. I think I managed to answer them all without spooking or offending anyone so hopefully I've escaped with a clean pair of heels and a smile on my face.
The interview should be compiled soon and up on the web, when it is I'll stick a link in to it. Finally a big thanks to Beck who is grappling with my answers at this very moment, you're the best hun. Well now it's time for that sunny conservatory to become mine, I'll be back in the autumn.
Just been woken up by my brother at 11:30 and my head feels like it's running on treacle. I suppose it's my own fault for staying up til half 3 last night listening to a pirate radio station run by a bloke in a beret who looked worryingly like he wanted to buy some launch codes for a missile silo off me.
Said brother has been back with us from uni for the weekend though he has now disappeared back to do some more learning, yes we students do learn sometimes. As a clear illustration of just how sleepy our part of the world is he decided to amuse himself by sitting watching me going about my daily business on the internet for two hours. Two Hours! Having wound up a number of my friends in the alotted time span he then proceeded to rifle through my (meagre) CD collection and "borrow" a good handful. I always wondered as a child just how long I'd have to wait for the pains of being the youngest sibling to go away, I'm still waiting and I fear I may be waiting for an awfully long time.
Well I'm now scoffing a dinner of one hastily made ham sandwich. I was going to make two medium sized sandwich but figured that if I just made one big one I'd save time on slicing bread, spreading butter etc. For some reason though I did not forsee the problem of the sandwich being too big to fit into my mouth and I'm left here wondering if like a snake I can dislocate my jaw in order that the sandwich may pass my lips.
Well it's a lovely sunny day outside and I have a date with the conservatory before I start working. With any luck the date will go swimmingly and I'll be there for the next fortnight.
Who'd have thought a VW Beetle could be so spacious? Not me that's for sure. Being squashed into the back of a car with a bunch of smelly footballers may be some people's idea of happiness but I was none too pleased with the situation especially when Capps tried to kill us by lurching into the path of an off roader travelling towards us at transwarp speeds.
Besides the football, which was pretty pants (except for Capps bleeding, mwahaha!), I also got the chance to eat in a rather fancy looking place with large curtains and a wine list. Luckily being a student I have no money and so I managed to persaude one of my compatriots to pay for my food, nowt like free grub to bring a smile to the face. Will he get paid back? We just don't know.
I'm starting to see the attraction of writing these things though as of yet only one person actually knows it exists. Hi Wend *waves* If I manage to keep writing with some degree of success I shall start extending the journal's readership which surely can't be so difficult when I'm so fascinating :D I like to imagine that there are hundreds of people sat bored on the web just waiting to discover the treasure trove of enlightenment that is to be found within these pages, each one of them on the verge of salvation.
Well no doubt all those who have decided to come and look at my journal were either terrified by the prospect of doing so or just uncomfortable in general so I hope that my gentle humour has eased your mood. I should really have planned this journal with a little more care since I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to write in here. But I suppose if I don't know what's coming then you lot certainly can't and that can only make for a tense thriller style atmosphere. I'll do my best to leave every post with a cliffhanger and not with a knock knock joke so as not to spoil the atmosphere.
So what now? Well this afternoon I'm off to play football. Throughout school I was never terribly good at football, I was always hampered by the fact I was pants at it. The only way I could make up for my lack of skill was through running about like an idiot but it generally did nothing but make my legs ache. Nowadays though my friends have lost the will to run around. They seem to think for some reason that once you've got a job you're either too mature or too important to have to run around looking silly. And to that I say "RUBBISH!" If only the entire worlds population took just five minutes out every day to run about looking silly the world would be a much more fun place to live in. As a little experiment I think all my readers should gather a few friends together and run through a department store looking silly, wave your arms a bit and giggle along the way. I can guarantee that you'll come out of the other end of the store with not only a beaming smile on your face but a whole new outlook on the world. Try it, for that is my silly challenge for the week.
I may have been talking about football there but I got sort of waylaid. Sorry. I suppose I should really say something about myself because some people reading this may be totally unaware of who I am. Well I'm me, I'm 19 and I'm a student programmer. I have a few little interests along the way including Formula One (which I find is the perfect way to fight back against someone whos conversation isn't very stimulating. If I start talking about F1 to you it generally means I think you're boring :D ). I have a certain passion for all sports really so long as they are on TV. Don't be fooled by me going to play football, it's just an excuse to rashly tackle my mates and cause them some damned fine injuries.
Anyway I must go now before Capps and his Beetle show up outside my house. Farewell and Godspeed my friends.
