The words contained in this here journal may not make much sense and they may not bear any relation to reality but one thing is for sure, they'll contain the word pasty.
Saturday, July 05, 2003
Well it's off to Scilly tomorrow so I'll not be updating this thing for a LONG time. I'll leave an all purpose phrase for the people who come here so you can get up to date info on how I'm feeling:
I miss you and I'm thinking about you. Especially you. Yes you. *hugs*
Friday, July 04, 2003
I can’t believe that three days have passed since I posted my last entry and given that no-one has asked to have anything more rated we’re back to good ol’ bog standard waffle falling out of my mouth.
Well as most of you probably know I went to Cambridge to stay for the weekend… errr, yes I did just write that. As you can see my mind is somewhat confused and possibly hooked on things it shouldn’t be at the moment so if anyone has any ideas for straightening it out I’d be very appreciative. Right what I actually did over Wednesday and Thursday was to fling myself over to Carlisle via the trains to go and stay with Scott, yes the one who writes all the comments in here these days.
Carlisle is much like Middlesbrough really with one nice bit in the city centre and then a load of crummy awfulness spread round and about it. Certainly the taste in shopping there is a bit odd, the number of lingerie shops was quite astonishing and would probably interest me if I had any desire to buy any. As it is I’m just a bloke who struggles to find any desire to buy socks let alone frilly and revealing underwear. Wend did enquire as to why I hadn’t bought anything for her but if she thinks I’m standing in a clothes shop, surrounded by ladies underwear, with Scott and Julian in tow then she’s got another thing coming. Scott would start picking things up and playing with any elastic he could get his hands on, Julian would probably have a heart attack! Is Scott's innocence, my dignity and Julian's life really a fair trade for a bra and panties?
Well activities included much the same thing as here really (or anywhere for that matter), a little bit of shopping, a lot of computering and some sitting around doing nowt but chatting. It was certainly nice to see Scott and see what’s really going on in his mind and I also managed to get Julian chatting away on the train so all in all I managed to make the weekend a bit of learning experience as far as other minds are concerned.
Now I’m back home and back into the old (but almost perfect) routine of internet, friends, internet, friends, internet, friends. God help any poor girl who decides she wants to be part of my life *envisages living like Shell and Dave* Been chatting to the blonde one, the brunette one, the stubbly one, the best mate one, the ginger one, the border country one and that’s about it. Wez is still kicking and alive and I’m off to get my hair cut. Marvellous.
Tuesday, July 01, 2003
Well onto the next set of ratings sent in by the one and only Wend.
Wend’s breasts = 9 Like her bottom, docked a point for being covered with clothing. Otherwise the perfect pair.
Liam’s hair = 5 It’s interesting hair which is always a good thing as it catches the eye of whoever is about. Longish and curly in appearance it doesn’t seem to be terribly high maintenance. Well either that or he just doesn’t bother. Turned bright pink recently, the results of which I am yet to see properly.
Wez’s evilness = 8 Like the elderly don’t eat vindaloos, Wez has mellowed in her old age. While not outwardly violent anymore you can trust me that the evil genius inside that cute little head is figuring out how to commit genocide while armed with only a knackered old kitty body and a cardboard box.
Liam’s beard = 2 Latest intelligence tells me that the bread is no more, well not in the attached to face sense. Its remains could be used as an itching powder I guess or maybe even a glitter substitute. Wouldn’t you love a birthday card decorated with it?
Wend’s hair = 10 Visually the best part of her and that’s saying a lot. It’s long, blonde and doesn’t mind being played with which is just about as top notch as hair can be. Also makes her very easy to spot in a crowd. Perfect.
Julian’s horsiness = 1 He’s got a slightly long face coupled to long legs but that’s where the similarities end. He does a rubbish neigh impression and can’t even clap coconuts together in a realistic hoofy fashion. Must try harder.
Liam’s vulgarness = 7 Is Liam vulgar? Well he’s got hairy nipples, smokes and I’m reliably informed that he smells (my nose blindness stopped me picking anything up from the airwaves) so I guess that’s pretty vulgar. He makes fatuous references to unmentionable parts of the body every twenty four seconds and once let his penis fall out in public. Fortunately I was looking the other way. So yes, successfully vulgar methinks :D
Wend in a bikini = 0 Never seen it so I can only assume that it doesn’t happen. It’s a nice mental image though :D
Had a curry with the whole of the Scilly crowd earlier along with my brother and mincey Jason. It was wonderful as they all asked me questions about Wend having all met her briefly while she was here. Questions included:
How old is Wend?
Is Wend a student?
Did you snog Wend?
Did you sleep with Wend?
Did you sniff Wend while she was asleep?
Did you look at Wend while she was asleep?
Did you touch her while she was asleep?
Are you infatuated with Wend?
*sigh*
(I loved it really)
With respects to the Scilly crowd we have each bought a black shirt with flames leaping up so we can hang about looking the same as each other and totally stupid. I’m not entirely sure if everyone sees the advantage in this but to me it’s obvious that making people laugh is better than keeping ones dignity. Life’s just too short.
I managed to speak to Wend alone (without Liam I mean) for about ten minutes earlier before she got abruptly cut off and hasn’t been able to reconnect which I have to admit is somewhat of a shame. It does give me a bit of spare time to do other things though and Gemma has been about to keep me company until half an hour ago (2:30) so I'm not so stuck.
Right, the ratings and reasons for Scotts’ suggestions:
The chance of answering the one about someone’s ass = 10 I’ll be rating Wend’s ass in just a short moment.
Enetation = 4 Yes it’s horrendously buggy, yes it only works one time in five but at least it does work. If it didn’t then I’d be commentless and without these wonderful things to rate.
Capps’ ears = 6 They’re not particularly offensive, seem to be relatively clean and don’t stick out far enough to get in the way of the telly. I’d give them a higher mark except for the head they’re attached to :D
Julian’s intelligence = 7 Measuring facets of intelligence isn’t a terribly easy thing to do especially for someone as permanently baffled as myself. In some ways Julian is as sharp as knives and bright as a button, in other ways he can be so utterly stupid that he gets himself into terrible situations. On a basic level he must be smart though, he’s at Cambridge uni for fecks sake!
My own “swingshoeness” = 8 Well given that I actually invented the sport I do believe I have a fairly high swingshoe rating. In terms of skill I do believe myself to be in advance of both you and Capps and firmly believe that with a little efffort I could easily beat Capps’ record no worries.
Wend’s ass (It’s an arse, you’re not a yank are you?) = 9 Although I haven’t exactly seen it and am not in habit of taking a quick look while her back is turned it hasn’t escaped my attention that it is a rather fine posterior. I’m docking it a mark for always being covered up by clothing.
My mother’s cooking = 7 She doesn’t tend to do much cooking beyond shoving stuff in the oven but the stuff she does do is usually top notch especially the vegetable soup. Mmmmmmm. She’s never made pasties and has a tendency to stick to puddings I won’t eat, presumably because if I would there’d be none left for anyone else!
Tesco’s chocolate croissants = 5 In a world of packaged snack foods it is always good to find something freshly baked and pastry based available in a big supermarket. The problem for the chocolate croissant is that it comes in alongside some very tough competition in the form of chocolate muffins, cookies and doughnuts. And you can’t neglect the fact there is usually a bakery within a couple of minutes walk. Too chewy, too dry but cheap.
Anyone want something or someone rated and reviewed? Leave it in the comments.
Monday, June 30, 2003
A mildly action packed day today. I finally got to sleep at about six yesterday having watched Sons and Daughters much to the amusement of Wend who is rather taken with the show. I then woke up at 11am which is the earliest I’ve managed since the Wednesday Wend arrived (To rename it Wendesday or not, hmmmm) and got off to a good start by watching F1 and then F3000 up until half three. Shortly after I was picked up in a beetle and chucked straight into playing tennis at which I am just as terrible as football but still managed to make up a bit by running quickly. Followed this up with some proper running.
After collecting water for Jono’s parents whose mains supply has gone bye bye we spent an hour debating which pub to go eat in and another two hours eating there. The meal was big including a giant yorkshire pudding, giant fish and chips and just enough chocolate sponge and custard to make me feel sick. Perfect. Curry tomorrow night of course.
We spent our time in between courses chatting out usual blend of inane banter, crazy ideas and silliness. One idea that caught on was rating things out of ten, a blob of coleslaw on the table attaining a mark of two for example. Here’s an idea; I know enetation is being a pile of shiteypoos but in the comments leave a list of all the things you’d like me to rate and I’ll give you an honest answer for each one, should make for a learning experience for everyone.
Sunday, June 29, 2003
Well it’s 4:20 on Sunday morning and I’ve failed miserably to make myself tired at all. I had an hours sleep around nine this evening and now I’m just bursting with energy, I’m even beginning to think I might not bother with bed at all. Bloomin’ heck I’m peckish though, back in a sec….
So yes I’m writing out of need for something to do. I’m considering playing a game on my wonderful new headphones (did I mention them?) just to see how well the stereo works, to see if it makes the whole thing a more immersive experience. I never get change to play games anymore thanks to having rediscovered the internet, I’ve wandered back into the trap of enjoying the company of people on the internet more than performing most other activities under the sun.
For the record my mum thinks Wend is “a lovely girl”.
Ooooo I know what to do to waste some time, I shall use this here word facility to produce some journal stats so we can see how it’s coming along. Here goes:
Gav’s journal stats!
First Entry: Tuesday April 15th, incidentally that’s Jono’s birthday.
Pages: 48
Words: 29, 432
Lines: 2,721
Average Word Length: 4.36 characters long
How many times do they appear? Wend = 109
Capps = 69
F1 = 20
Pasty = 16
Scilly = 15
Wez = 13
Eeeek! I’m hoping that it comes over as flattering to Wend as opposed to just making me sound like an obsessed weirdo. I guess I feel kind of guilty as poor Capps, my best mate, has been thoroughly out mentioned by her. And what about Wez? Outscored almost 10 to 1. Meow.
*Adds one to the score of Wend, Capps and Wez… ooops no make that two*
