The words contained in this here journal may not make much sense and they may not bear any relation to reality but one thing is for sure, they'll contain the word pasty.
Sunday, November 02, 2003
Symposium - On The Outside
I've found an album that suits in every way; it's damned good music, it suits my mood, and the lyrics just seem to fit my life a lot of the time.
I shouldn't think anybody will see this, at least not in the near future, and that is primarily why I took the decision to communicate to the world via this here system. Usually when I'm writing into this I'm more than conscious of the audience, the one or two people I know will be taking this in, but now that the blog has been left dormant for a couple of months I feel I can be somewhat more candid in what I say (and sorry, no, I won't be make fatuous references to parts of the body).
To anybody reading back to this in two weeks, two months, or two years, this comes from my period of not being on the internet. Through my own mistakes, and through the mistakes of others, I find myself in a situation where going on the internet has become somewhat of a hastle. There is a certain level of bad feeling which has become the undertone within the circle I'm involved with and it's had a detrimental effect on everyone concerned. I'm not entirely sure where the bad feelings came from but as a unit we seemed totally ill-prepared to deal with it and quite rapidly opinions of each other plumetted. With this lack of coherency in the group came the inevitable side taking and I, like everyone else, was completely incapable of taking an objective view to the situation. Everyone had their own interests, their own desires to agree/side with such and such a person, all of which culminated to so viciously sway our individual, and incomplete, picture of how things were that it suddenly wasn't important who was right and who was wrong simply that "we're right and they're wrong". It's the sort of mentality you get in a football stand of yobbo's or a school playground. Yes that's right either testosterone fuelled men or childish brats, take your pick.
I, through probably my own fault, found myself caught in the middle and totally confused as to why everything was crumbling around me. In the end I decided that I just really didn't care. If people want to spend their lives bitching at each other then that's their own lookout. If people people make me feel invisible, make me feel about as wanted as a spider in the bed, if people don't realise the emotional stress they're subjecting me to then I quite frankly couldn't give a toss. And so I chose to run away and play somewhere else instead. And so, instead, I play computer games, it's much more pleasant.
Current listening: Bury You and Disappear from the aforementioned album.
Current mood: Better for talking bollocks.
